"You really should be careful what you pray for.
I am no longer employed. Though this is difficult it is not necessarily a bad thing. I am looking forward to the next thing."
This was my most recent post on Facebook. Perhaps I should explain. I had just been dismissed from my job after finishing rooming patients for my doctor. He has a short day on Thursdays. I was working on completing tasks for the day, preparing for the next day, putting out fires.
And then I was being told before the day was half over that I was being dismissed, that I just wasn't getting my work done fast enough. The patients love me, I was told. I know this: I love them back. You are a hard worker, i was told. I know that, too. There have been complaints to the board.
If I am honest, there was plenty of warning before this day, this moment. My guts even knew something was not working right. I felt separated.
It still felt like a punch to the gut.
My Facebook post sounds flippant. I feel nowhere near as chipper and cheerful as I sound. I really did like my job, my boss, my team. But I struggled so much with the speed, the paperwork, prioritizing priorities. I worked hard to improve. Stayed late, came early. Wrestled with it. I just maid it over half a year. I really thought I was starting to get it. I really thought I had to stick it out, and that it would be simpler with time.
My heart is broken and I am embarrassed by failure.
I do believe I got what I prayed for. I have been praying since day one that I would do my best, that people wouldn't get hurt. I prayed for a way to have my dreams as well as work. I prayed that my live outside work would become balanced, and my life inside my work would too. I prayed for direction.
I received experience, friendship, and encouragement. Things are moving fast. "This feels like things are moving as fast as a house of cards falling apart" I told my husband earlier today. He countered by saying "Or like things are flowing together."
Now,maybe I can think about what I really want to be when I grow up. I know it has to do with people. And I know I will be good at it.
I am no longer employed. Though this is difficult it is not necessarily a bad thing. I am looking forward to the next thing."
This was my most recent post on Facebook. Perhaps I should explain. I had just been dismissed from my job after finishing rooming patients for my doctor. He has a short day on Thursdays. I was working on completing tasks for the day, preparing for the next day, putting out fires.
And then I was being told before the day was half over that I was being dismissed, that I just wasn't getting my work done fast enough. The patients love me, I was told. I know this: I love them back. You are a hard worker, i was told. I know that, too. There have been complaints to the board.
If I am honest, there was plenty of warning before this day, this moment. My guts even knew something was not working right. I felt separated.
It still felt like a punch to the gut.
My Facebook post sounds flippant. I feel nowhere near as chipper and cheerful as I sound. I really did like my job, my boss, my team. But I struggled so much with the speed, the paperwork, prioritizing priorities. I worked hard to improve. Stayed late, came early. Wrestled with it. I just maid it over half a year. I really thought I was starting to get it. I really thought I had to stick it out, and that it would be simpler with time.
My heart is broken and I am embarrassed by failure.
I do believe I got what I prayed for. I have been praying since day one that I would do my best, that people wouldn't get hurt. I prayed for a way to have my dreams as well as work. I prayed that my live outside work would become balanced, and my life inside my work would too. I prayed for direction.
I received experience, friendship, and encouragement. Things are moving fast. "This feels like things are moving as fast as a house of cards falling apart" I told my husband earlier today. He countered by saying "Or like things are flowing together."
Now,maybe I can think about what I really want to be when I grow up. I know it has to do with people. And I know I will be good at it.
Linnette, Boy I hear you. I will keep you in my prayers for wisdom and guidance. God has something just for you. I appreciate you sharing this, it encourages me to do the same -- to look up and not get too focused on my problems. God bless. Love, Kathy McArthur
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