Silly String and Light Sabers: Remembering Tim

My friend Tim. I will always see his rosy cheeks and his serious face behind which his sense of humor dwells waiting for the right timing and victim. 

It is never easy when a friend passes away. 

The Kirback family accepted me in without any qualms. I met Jon first, then Tim. Eventually, Pam decided I was ok and became my longest friend. Brenda and Lisa will always be little girls to me, even though they are grown up mommies and even grand mommies, if I remember right. Soon, anyway. George and Joyce, Mom and Dad, completed this extended family.

I was a disturbed teen, not sure why really.There were a couple of years where I absolutely flourished. But my head was not in a good place and I had suicidal thoughts. Tim basically got my attention and quite probably saved my life at that point. He shared Kahlil Gibran regarding friendship. I have to say, Tim was a very good friend at that time and forward. The whole family was, and still are.

The Prophet, Kahlil Gibran

But growing up and having your own families and life challenges. It is hard to keep right in touch all the time. I knew Tim had married: Luanna was the other half to their whole selves. They had children. The normal stuff. But, I had no idea that Tim was a clown! Shoots the Clown. Who knew?  I knew George and Joyce did rendezvous, but had not a single idea that Tim did! I didn't know how quickly my friend would be leaving us, and all the sudden, he was gone.

I asked my friends and Tim’s children if I could do a blog in remembrance of him, if I could share about the most amazing funeral I had ever been to, if I could encourage everyone to raise a cup of coffee in Tim’s memory. They said I could. I know this is a difficult thing to read, and I do not intend any harm with this.

More than anything I wanted to share how this captured Tim’s identity, celebrated his life, and that he gave laughter to his friends and family in a time of sorrow.

Tim’s daughter, Alicia wrote this for me:

About a week before my dad had his heart attack he sat me down. I'm unaware if he spoke to anybody else about his final plans and wishes He told me that I had to make a promise to him and that was that if anything happens to him and he was hospitalized, that if the doctor says there is hope, that I would chase it. But when the doctor said that all hope was gone I had to promise to be able to tell them to take him off machines. Very reluctantly I promised. I had no idea that within 2 weeks I have to make that call.

Immediately following that he said, now if anything does happen to me I don't want people to cry at my funeral. He wanted to be remembered for his crazy antics and twisted sense of humor. He then told me who was pallbearers would be:  He says his brother, and his three brothers-in-law, his best friend Tom, and a young man who he had emotionally adapted named Alex. He told me that he wanted them equipped with practical jokes and gags. He told me to find a way to put a prank everywhere I can I get something to make people laugh, or they had to make people shudder in disgust.

I met with Gaylord (Jowett) to talk about the funeral arrangements I then told him of Dad wishes for the funeral to be pretty crazy.  One of Dad's wishes was to be very naked with an elephant head covering his groin. I could not pull myself to bury my father naked. I did give him his clothing for his frontiersmen camping that he so much loved throughout my life, but I did give him the elephant had that he wanted.

 Gaylord was fabulous as helping me to arrange things that were going to be so funny that my dad would have gotten a great laugh out of it. The last thing that my dad said was, I don't want you to do flowers, so I did not. I jokingly said well what about at the ? What are we going to do, silly string? He said that would be great! So when I went to buy my preparations for the funeral, I remembered his wish to not have flowers and purchased 44 cans of silly string to meet the need. I had no idea that I needed more.

I wish I could say that this was a big elaborate plan that Dad had very carefully orchestrated but really and truly, what it was, was my dad saying he wanted people to laugh and he wanted it full of practical jokes and gags.

Honestly I thought he was insane. I look back and I think he did it for me.  When I got to go shopping for all of the crazy things for his funeral and then I got to set it all up and watch people have a good time; it took the pain for that short amount of time. I did not realize what I was going to spend a week and a half laughing and joking and remembering all the crazy things that I did with my dad. It made that week of preparing for the funeral much less painful. Do I think that my dad did that for the rest of the family? I don't know. But I know that he wanted the funeral this way so I can plan his funeral and have fun doing it.

 I only wish that he had given me something to have fun with after he was gone and after the funeral is over but I guess they didn't have time to prepare for that.

The pranks were amazing. Plastic spiders were all over Tim in the casket. The young kids found the “creeping hand” and were running around with it trying to scare people. There were light sabers. There was his Son-in-law, wearing the clown suit. There was a lot of laughter. Tears happened, but laughter prevailed. Even the pastor couldn’t help but remember Tim’s mischief over the years, and shared again with family and friends the epic story of Tim and Lana’s wedding complete with fainting and misconceptions and all.

Funerals are for those of us who remain, to remember those who go on ahead of us. This funeral was a perfect snapshot;

And now, Tim and Lana are back together, forever.

A great celebration of a good friend, loving father and son, and a wicked sense of humor. Even though he tried to avoid us grieving, well, it can't be helped. We are human, after all. 

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But still, what a way to be remembered, what a way to go!